Daughter • 10/8/23
CW: Suicide, transphobia
What’s funny is that what hurt wasn’t even when you told me to kill myself, that you wouldn’t care if I did. After nearly a lifetime of fantasizing yourself as dead as a means of coping, you become desensitized to the concept. What hurt even more was when you told me you were already mourning me when I was still living and breathing right in front of you because I killed the daughter you claimed to have. What hurt most was that I was blamed for my own death when I haven’t even died yet. And what’s even worse is that in order to fix it, in order to undo the pain I’ve caused, this current existence will be forced to die during the one time I want to live most. • How do you process something that’s still ongoing?
About lttv
letters to the void. is a collection of short poems on trans and queer existence amid abuse, on Black existence, on mad existence, and the writer’s journey out of imposed darkness
To the reader, please note that the traditional format of the lttv poems follow a chronological theme as the reader goes through the ins and outs of the writer’s life and experiences. Some of this formatting may have been altered or posted out of order to adapt to the Substack platform.
While the journey has been rough, I would like to leave you with these words that have encouraged me through it all <3
" come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed " - Lucille Clifton
“Nature held me close and seemed to find no fault with me.” - Leslie Feinberg from Stone Butch BluesDedicated
☆ to myself and for all those in a similar place
☆ to all of my trans siblings and especially my Black siblings <3