Hiraeth • 11/4/23
a poem on homesickness for a nonexistent place
this poem can be viewed in it’s digital zine format below:
Hiraeth (n.): a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return,
a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past
In spite of everything, I find myself
Overflowing with a sense of longing
A sense of simultaneous grief and hunger
For something which I never truly experienced
I am homesick for a home I never had
I long for the ability to travel back to a place
Of peace, of love, of kindness.
In this unproductive longing, I often look for placeholders in others…
In strangers…
People I encounter on a random bus ride to the harbor,
An early morning train ride to the district of columbia
I observe the way in which they talk to a loved one on the phone
The mannerisms through which they navigate the world
Questioning the possibilities that would exist if they were my kinship
What if…
Would they love me the way I long to be loved?
The way I’ve never been loved?
My mind lingers in this space for a while
Until I eventually realize that
It is almost better not to approach
Not to get too close
Not look too hard or squint too much at
A hypothetical relationship with a stranger that I’ll never have
Lest I become even more disappointed and broken than I already was…
maybe things would be different if I acted differently
if I called more
if I loved more
if I talked more
maybe things would be different if i were different
maybe…About lttv
letters to the void. is a collection of short poems on trans and queer existence amid abuse, on Black existence, on mad existence, and the writer’s journey out of imposed darkness
To the reader, please note that the traditional format of the lttv poems follow a chronological theme as the reader goes through the ins and outs of the writer’s life and experiences. Some of this formatting may have been altered or posted out of order to adapt to the Substack platform.
While the journey has been rough, I would like to leave you with these words that have encouraged me through it all <3
" come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed " - Lucille Clifton
“Nature held me close and seemed to find no fault with me.” - Leslie Feinberg from Stone Butch BluesDedicated
☆ to myself and for all those in a similar place
☆ to all of my trans siblings and especially my Black siblings <3