Unholy Smothering • 6/24

CW: Being sick

Like a prison coursing through my veins
Attempting to overtake my being
I feel the urge to purge it…
Purge myself from this unholiness
Expelling their influence
Vomiting whatever touch they had on my life

•

Now that I’ve tasted what it feels like to be alive
Just surviving isn’t right anymore
It never was, it just took me this long to realize it…

•

You ever bear your soul to the world
just to see if it’ll betray you like your past did?
Didn’t think so.

•

The more they tell me they love me,
Begging, almost pleading as if this phrase would solve it all
The more it hurts
Because as much as it comforts them to say it,
I know they would never love me
So why must you continue to agitate my gaping wound?
Leave me be, I beg of you.

“I just wanted to hug you and tell you I’m glad you’re my daughter and I’m happy you’re back home.”
“Thanks.” I tell her, the life gone from my empty eyes.
She walks away…

Your love is eating me alive
I’m rotting from the inside out
And you wouldn’t even know it
Instead you turn away in blissful ignorance
Telling me that you love me
While you actively smother my soul

••

I see you every now and then
quick glimpses in the mirror
little qualities of ourself
moments of unison doing things we love
glints of sparkles in our brown eyes
you are me

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